Classic Albums If They Had Billy Joel Cover Art


TURNSTILES, SONGS IN THE ATTIC, GLASS HOUSES, RIVER OF DREAMS, THE BRIDGE... ALL ARE BURDENED WITH CUMBERSOME, DEEPLY LITERAL, AND EXHAUSTINGLY ON-THE-NOSE INTERPRETATIONS OF THEIR RESPECTIVE TITLES.
Below, you'll find some of the most beloved records of the modern era, reimagined with Billy Joel’s mid-career approach to heavy-handed album art.

IN ALL CASES, MR. JOEL’S WARDROBE SHOULD BE ASSUMED... WHITE COLLARED SHIRT, ROLLED SLEEVES, AND LOOSENED BLACK NECK TIE – UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED.

Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run

  • Decked head-to-toe in terrycloth, Mr. Joel performs a deep hamstring stretch next to a page-a-day calendar marked, “The BIG Race!”

Fleetwood Mac - Rumors

  • Sitting in a bustling beauty parlor with his head under a drying dome, Billy thumbs through a trashy tabloid magazine. However, all the stories on the cover are about him. Over the top of the magazine, we see his trademark “YIKES!” eyebrows.

Guns N' Roses - Appetite for Destruction

  • Billy, sporting a hard hat, tank top and blue jeans, is pictured mid-swing, moments before smashing a piano with a big hammer.

    • [Note: The back-cover and gatefold show Mr. Joel sitting atop the demolished piano, eating from a tin workman's lunchbox.]

Bob Dylan - Bringing it All Back Home

  • A rented moving van idles in front of a modest Long Island home. Billy shamefully knocks on his parents’ door, as indicated by a red mailbox that reads, “The Joels.” He looks, not at the camera, but down at his “aw, shucks” feet grinding nervously into the welcome mat.

Meat Loaf - Bat Out of Hell

  • Joel is costumed like the vampire Dracula, but decidedly down on his luck. Sitting at a bus stop in the big city with a suitcase full of dreams, he looks at the camera as if to say, “Now, what did I get myself into here?”

Patti Smith - Horses

  • Mr. Joel sits perched upon a barstool at an old Irish Tavern. Head-in-hand, he drinks away his sorrows. But he throws the camera a subtle “Hey, wait a minute…” as he realizes all the other customers are lawn jockeys.

Michael Jackson - Thriller

  • We see a head-on view of a movie theater, packed shoulder-to-shoulder for a big summer blockbuster. Mr. Joel, seated dead center, is the only one visibly SPOOKED. Following a just before the shot jump scare, he throws his popcorn all over everyone. The entire audience looks at the camera, with a collective glance that seems to say, “Get a load of this yoo-hoo!”

    • [Note: Billy is the only one wearing 3-D glasses.]

RUN D.M.C. - Raising Hell:

  • A very tentative Joel changes the diaper of a newborn Satan.

Iggy Pop - Raw Power

  • Billy, an electrician glancing over a crumpled schematic, is pictured mere moments before confidently puling a lever labeled, “DANGER: DO NOT PULL!”

The Clash - London Calling

  • Mr Joel stands beside a red phone booth in Times Square. Out of the door, a hand pulls him into a transcontinental portal by the neck tie. Just before the assumed yank, he catches the lens with comedic aplomb, shrugging resignedly in conveyance of a “here we go again...” style call to adventure.

Ramones - RAMONES (Self Titled)

  • Billy plays soulful jazz piano at a smoky and dimly-lit nightclub under a neon sign that reads, “Ramon’s.”

Jimi Hendrix - Electric Ladyland

  • Mr. Joel, dressed as a grease-covered theme park mechanic, wipes his brow while tending to a lady-themed ride.


Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

  • Mr. Joel lays on a therapist’s couch, relating his woes, only this time, it's the therapist who raises the signature “YIKES” eyebrows.

    • [Note: With glasses and a notepad, he is also the therapist.]


Neil Young - After the Gold Rush

  • Mr. Joel, portraying a grizzled prospector in patched overalls and a wide-brimmed hat, stands in a riverbed, gazing forlornly at his empty pan. He sports a pair of New Years glasses that read “1850.”


Radiohead - The Bends

  • Mr. Joel is seen standing on the ocean floor. The treasure chest to his right has just released a plume of bubbles that are now racing toward the surface, revealing the vessel to be completely empty. As he opens the face-hatch of a Captain Nemo style scuba suit, Billy gives the camera the absolute mother of all “Oh Brother's.”


Adele - 21

  • Mr. Joel is a Vegas blackjack dealer, and each person playing at his table is wearing an outfit from one of the last ten albums that have been described. Billy mugs to the camera in a manner that telegraphs a bemused, “So it's gonna be one of those days, huh?”


Prince - Sign O’ The Times

  • Billy, wandering the lonely streets of Midtown, Manhattan, dons a handwritten sandwich board that speaks of the End of Days. All the while, a stunning woman in a red dress walks by, entirely unaffected by his existence. In a moment of sheer heartbreak, the camera catches his eyes – jade windows upon a burdened soul that they are – and suddenly, we understand, in a chill of devastating clarity, that he is not of her world, nor she of his. For there is not a run of great fortune or fame that could befall him where they could ever end up together, or even know one another… for he is... *melancholic “Oh Brother” eyes* ...crazy.

Dusty Springfield - Dusty in Memphis

  • Literal.